Through two years of marriage and six years together, having a baby was never even a consideration for us. Why? Money: the cost of health care even with health insurance and a full-time two-income household, extortionate child care rates, and, of course, the other standard money pits that working-class Americans are virtually obligated to fall into: the costs of maintaining cars and a home, paying up for food that isn't poison, etc.
Even without the question of raising a child, the costs of urban living in the United States are exhausting. The wages of normal working people do not keep pace with inflation, housing markets, and rising insurance rates even as the top 1% continue - as they have for at least four decades - to consolidate more and more wealth and drive more and more working people toward the bottom of the middle class and the poverty line. No wonder mental health issues are proliferating.
Normal working people are too often left living paycheck-to-paycheck with little chance at savings beyond inadequate pensions and perennially underfunded retirement accounts. Most have little opportunity to travel or ever really take a true break. Not exactly a case study in how to foster wellbeing...
To eliminate the paycheck-to-paycheck life, we moved abroad, and a handful of years in, we have realized so much more than just the ability to have and save money - although having and saving money is nice, too. With two incomes abroad, we can travel as we please, eat what we want, save more, and control where the savings go - and we're teachers; we don't make that much - certainly nowhere near as much as the engineers, financiers, and defense contractors who make up much of the rest of the expat population.
In our first six years together, we were able to take one trip abroad aside from our wedding trip in Jamaica - and even that was largely funded by wedding gifts. In the last five years? Even with Covid cramping our style for a while, let's just say that we've had a lot more than two trips - all because we took the plunge and moved abroad.
Perhaps the most significant life change we've experienced from moving abroad, however, is the ability to grow our family.
Outside of the United States, we suddenly had options. We had good health insurance and worldwide coverage...except in the US, of course. Our expenses were significantly reduced. We also knew how to navigate health care abroad already - from our home base in Vietnam, the Boss and I traveled to Thailand several times for her torn meniscus procedure and follow-up appointments. We already knew that orthopedic surgery plus flights plus hotel stays with our insurance in Vietnam cost thousands less out-of-pocket than the Boss' knee procedure in the US, and that procedure in the US involved no flights and no hotel stays. The Boss was also afforded more recovery time in Thailand.
To be clear: The Boss' orthopedist in Arizona was a great doctor, and he did a great job. Her ACL is tip-top. It was the continuity of care, the top-to-bottom rush, the overall systemic lack of concern - and, of course, the high deductible - that made surgery in the US too expensive and uncomfortable.
The point of all this? We knew the health care costs associated with having a baby wouldn't cost nearly as much out-of-pocket as it would have in the United States, even with (pretty good) insurance, and that has panned out pretty well for us.
Of equal concern for us was maternity (and paternity) leave. The lack of guaranteed maternity leave in the United States is reprehensible. We were thrilled with The Boss receiving three months paid and three months unpaid, and many people we know thought that was nothing - in the Eurozone, two years at nearly full pay and benefits is pretty standard. People we knew who worked in Germany and Romania scoffed at six months. And then here we were, thrilled with six months and only half of it paid because America. Way to go, USA. Way to take care of your people.
What else do we love about raising our baby abroad? Buying her whatever we want - within reason, of course. Since expat life eliminates so many of our expenses, we get to choose where our money goes - hello, baby clothes! Fun toys! Cute reusable diapers! A great stroller! A great travel stroller! A great high chair! All the books! We don't feel guilt or strain when we give our baby nice things - and we shouldn't; no one should - and this is a direct result of not living in the United States.
Do I think there aren't any good things about the United States? No, of course not. Freedom of speech is pretty awesome. It's not what most people think it is, but that's an issue for a different article. However, the list of serious problems with American life is too long and too problematic for us to tolerate: guns, health care access, the cost of higher education, the race debacle, and the aforementioned widening wealth gap are the mere beginning of our short list of reasons we're happy to visit for a couple weeks a year (or a couple weeks every four years...thanks, Covid) and then get the heck back out.
I have seen few places where the government cares less about its citizens than the United States, and that's inexcusable. Once that changes...well, maybe we'll visit more frequently. Until then, we'll be raising our baby elsewhere.
For a far more in-depth look at the (often absurd) process of having a baby in Vietnam during the Covid-19 pandemic, check out The Boss' article from the correct gender's point of view - Hot as Phở, Vol. 9: Lockdown Baby!
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