US President Donald Trump has vowed to keep fighting for 2020 in perpetuity.
In a tweet fired off just before 4:00 p.m. Eastern Time on Dec. 31, Mr. Trump ranted: “They say it’s 2021 in CHINA! Definitely not 2021- not by long shot!! Deep state at it again!!! Not gonna fool greatest nation on Earth!!!! CHINA is yucky poo!!!!!”
Despite his cunning use of all-caps and simultaneous non-use of grammatical articles, many are skeptical of Mr. Trump's claims.
Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) issued a joint statement condemning Mr. Trump's remarks: "Time is a thing, even if the president doesn't like it. 2021 will definitely be here in a few hours."
US Rep. Mo Brooks (R-AL), however, Tweeted in support of Mr. Trump's fantasy: "Anyone can see that China and this so-called 'time' thing are simply trying to defame our glorious leader - I mean, how can someone who so precisely increases his use of exclamation points be wrong about anything?"
Later, at 9:21, Mr. Trump rampaged: "Now they say it's 2021 in UK? Who are these people? HOAX. HOAX! It's all a HOAX!!! Will fight this to SCOTUS and beyond!"
Clearly unfazed by the president's perhaps unwitting reference to the Toy Story franchise's Buzz Lightyear character, Mr. Trump's own Supreme Court appointee, Associate Justice Neil Gorsuch, released a brief statement on behalf of the entire chamber: "The Court sees no potential legal proceedings regarding the new year," to which Mr. Trump responded via Tweet: "SEE!?!? He didn't say 2021 - coincidence??? I think NOOOO coincidence!!!"
Senate Republicans have largely been non-committal regarding Mr. Trump’s new theory, mostly deflecting requests to comment on Mr. Trump’s new year claims. Reached for comment just before midnight at a New Year's Eve party, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) stated "the president has the right to pursue all legal avenues to challenge the year 2021" before he was called away to do a keg stand.
Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) was somewhat recondite when reached for comment: "Time will tell if it is the will of...time...to continue to move forward. Until the passage of time into 2021 can clearly be proven, we will offer the president tepid, sycophantic support that in no way reflects science, human decency, or common sense. This is the clear will of our constituents."
Nigel Twillingham, a UK-based physicist, has called Mr. Trump’s claims “ridiculous. I am in London. It is 2021. If Mr. Trump truly does not understand that it is the new year in London, China, and elsewhere before it is in New York, I simply pity him and the silly colonists who put him in power.”
President-elect Joe Biden was succinct in his reply to Mr. Trump's claims: "We'll see what happens on the 20th day of 2021" he stated before slipping his aviators back on.
Pundits question why Mr. Trump would want to remain forever in a year, 2020, that saw him lose something for the first time in his life.
Dr. Mary Trump, a clinical psychologist and the president's niece, argues that Mr. Trump may wish to remain in 2020 forever in order to have unlimited time to contest his recent electoral failure. "It is truly sad," she Tweeted, "when the most powerful individual in the world must pretend that time doesn't exist to, ironically, have all the time in the world to come to grips with loss..."
Sen. Josh Hawley (R-MO), one of the few Senate Republicans who has spoken out in clear support of the president, Tweeted "Time is going down! BAM! Whaddya gonna do about that, time? You just got TRUMPED! 2021 a MYTH! #2021hoax."
Bolstered by the support of Hawley and others, top White House aides report that Mr. Trump appears to be "hunkering down" in what can best be described as a "huge blanket fort."
At press time, sixty million people actually believe the president's claims about the year 2021.
Paws for travel. Globepouncing.
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